How are you all doing?
These times are weird and tough and stressful and peaceful all at once. Everything we took for granted life takeaway coffee and not needing to queue to get into the supermarket and HUGS(!!) from friends are suddenly extremely precious.
Are you finding niggles & stresses which don’t normally get to you making you ‘snappy’? I definitely am starting to feel the pressure of being in lockdown after 7 weeks and have to admit I am at time being far less than my perfect self. I can hear myself getting snappy at small things and then likewise my husband is the same.
We are OK, We have a roof over our heads, some money in the bank and good food on the table. . . income is irregular and even if we could go out right now we wouldn’t be spending any money as things are tight but they’re not impossible. . . Yet.
It’s the ‘Yet’ that hangs over my head. How long can we go on with the uncertainty before we can no longer pay bills? We are both self-employed and right now our income is ¼ of what is needed. . . I’m grateful for the ¼ income we have because that means our savings will last just a little bit longer. Yet as I write this I realise I’m not one of the poor people suddenly homeless who worked in hospitality . . . if this had happened 20 years ago when I moved to London and was temping I would be in the same situation - unable to pay rent, buy food or get home. So I am doubly grateful and also feel guilt.
The guilt is tough because I want to give money away and help people but also know that if I do that very soon I won’t be able to pay bills and will end up in the same situation . . . but still the guilt.
There’s been some positives . . . the cat is so bored with having us home he no longer feels the need to wake us 17 times a night – nothing like a furry paw in your mouth to bring you out of a deep sleep . . . I have managed to water plants in pots every day for 4 weeks and that is nothing short of a miracle – normally by now they’ve died. Half the garden is weeded.
I found stairs in the part of the garden commonly referred to as ‘the jungle’ for obvious reasons I didn’t know were there. . . Once a day I go & admire what the removal of a ton of ivy can do as the apple tree sheds confetti like blossoms over the stairs. They are now known as the secret stairs and if I was 8 years old I would believe fairies picnicked there in the light of the moon . . . I’m not 10 but still I want to believe it because in times of stress and worry we need fairy tales.
Trying to not sweat the things I can’t control . . . Loved ones could just as easily die from a car accident, falling off a stool (we’re all quite vertically challenged), or snake bite (Australian so these things come to mind) as they could Covid-19. I only read the news for 10 minutes a day. It’s enough and any more just makes me angry, frustrated, annoyed and worried . . . and since I am cutting back on extravagances and am not spending a fortune on moisturiser I don’t need worry adding lines to my face (age will do that all on its own, it needs no help)
I’m enjoying the things I can control - Skyping with my 92 year old grandmother, yoga, good food, a regular laundry cycle, keeping seeds out for the birds and not needing an alarm. Last weekend some friends and I arranged a catch up at safe distance in a queue. It was brilliant and wonderful to see them and it definitely made me realise how much I love each of them! Special little freaks they all are. By the way, as we get older we don’t get less weird . . . we just get better at hiding it.
I’ve been taking part in a coaching programme run by #TinekeTammes and as a result watched a brilliant TedTalk by #EmilieWapnick titled ‘why some of us don’t have 1 true calling’ which made me understand WHY I’ve never been able to pick 1 thing as a career . . . my favourite quote was ‘follow your curiosity down those rabbit holes.’
PS my next career may be sailor thanks to #svdelos – check out their YouTube channel, if nothing else makes you want to travel the world and have adventures this group will. We went a year back in time and devoured the series and have spent the last 2 weeks researching boats. It may take a while but it will happen!
Oh, I finally managed to pick that fight with Steve. . . 45 minutes later I pulled a back muscle in the garden & he had to rescue me. So no matter how ‘snappy’ we are feeling remember that even those of us who hate being damsels occasionally need someone to rescue us lend us a supporting arm as much as we hate to ask, so apologise when you’re snappy and forgive others in this stressful time. We need to cut ourselves and each other some slack.
